Many of us have been manipulated into obligations that we did not wish to owe, at a time when we were in need ourselves. Not everyone who goes above and beyond does so for us for the right reasons, and we can be victimized by their motives. They might be trying to obligate us through the burden of gratitude.
Dating is a common method that a person can be victimized in this way. In traditional relationships, the man is the one who buys dinner. All too often a man uses this fact as a way to manipulate the girl into sex acts, or even an ongoing relationship that she might not wish to have had because he makes her feel she somehow owes him something as repayment for money spent on dinners and movies.
Many women have taken to the habit of going Dutch, and paying for their own meals when they first begin getting to know someone. This is excellent advice, even if it leaves some young girls unable to afford dating. Better to avoid indebtedness than to allow themselves to be manipulated into undesired acts as payment for a free meal.
Homeless people are frequently manipulated by church groups who offer to help them with food, clothing, or shelter. In fact, it is perfectly legal for a religious institution to do this. Even food banks often require recipients to sit through a sermon before they can expect to be fed.
It is typical even for parents to use indebted obligations to control the behavior of their adult children. The fact is, once a person is over the age of eighteen, parents are not legally able to enforce curfews or other restrictions on them. However, in order to control who they date and what they do, some parents will withhold housing or financial assistance to their children if they fail to behave in whatever way they are trying to force.
It is a shameful fact, but anyone offering help must be evaluated to determine if there is an ulterior motive. So often the person who is most solicitous of our needs is simply a person who seeks to gain an advantage over us in some way. Sometimes their intention is to learn as much as they can about an individual for the sole purpose of spreading gossip.
Every one of us must evaluate our own intentions when we offer to help a friend. It is important that we do not make such offers with the intention of benefiting in some selfish way ourselves. When we are giving it must be done with a generous heart, and not because we have convinced ourselves that we somehow know what is best for that person.
We all need help at times in our lives, but who we seek to receive that help from must be carefully considered. Sometimes it is best to seek the help of a stranger before we allow friends, coworkers, or exes to become a part of our solution. Not everyone who seems to love us is offering their assistance with a generous heart.
Dating is a common method that a person can be victimized in this way. In traditional relationships, the man is the one who buys dinner. All too often a man uses this fact as a way to manipulate the girl into sex acts, or even an ongoing relationship that she might not wish to have had because he makes her feel she somehow owes him something as repayment for money spent on dinners and movies.
Many women have taken to the habit of going Dutch, and paying for their own meals when they first begin getting to know someone. This is excellent advice, even if it leaves some young girls unable to afford dating. Better to avoid indebtedness than to allow themselves to be manipulated into undesired acts as payment for a free meal.
Homeless people are frequently manipulated by church groups who offer to help them with food, clothing, or shelter. In fact, it is perfectly legal for a religious institution to do this. Even food banks often require recipients to sit through a sermon before they can expect to be fed.
It is typical even for parents to use indebted obligations to control the behavior of their adult children. The fact is, once a person is over the age of eighteen, parents are not legally able to enforce curfews or other restrictions on them. However, in order to control who they date and what they do, some parents will withhold housing or financial assistance to their children if they fail to behave in whatever way they are trying to force.
It is a shameful fact, but anyone offering help must be evaluated to determine if there is an ulterior motive. So often the person who is most solicitous of our needs is simply a person who seeks to gain an advantage over us in some way. Sometimes their intention is to learn as much as they can about an individual for the sole purpose of spreading gossip.
Every one of us must evaluate our own intentions when we offer to help a friend. It is important that we do not make such offers with the intention of benefiting in some selfish way ourselves. When we are giving it must be done with a generous heart, and not because we have convinced ourselves that we somehow know what is best for that person.
We all need help at times in our lives, but who we seek to receive that help from must be carefully considered. Sometimes it is best to seek the help of a stranger before we allow friends, coworkers, or exes to become a part of our solution. Not everyone who seems to love us is offering their assistance with a generous heart.
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