Everyone takes classes in school for various academic subjects, but also for useful skills like shop and home economics. Unfortunately, no one ever teaches young people how to present themselves in important business or social settings, despite the fact that these can be tremendously important in determining eventual success in life. Fortunately, all those under-educated graduates can put a capstone on their years by reading books on small talk.
There is a distinct minority of people among us who simply seem to have a gift for making a dinner party shine with their conversation. Often enough, these turn out to be those raised in upper middle class or just plain upper class families, among whom effective light talk is a matter of training. Most will admit that one of the advantages inherent in an Ivy League background is not about academic excellence at all, but rather, in being trained to talk about nothing in an engaging way.
Many people have the intelligence and ability to succeed, but are held back in subtle ways because of their blue collar manners. Such people are nearly a stock character in old novels. They are the just-arrived wealthy who are disliked by the old money types who party at the Hamptons, but who are just too powerful to avoid completely. Characters like this are immediately marked by their unsophisticated conversation.
It isn't difficult to imagine, or for that matter simply recall, situations in which it is to one's advantage to be able to make light conversation. An obvious example is dating, which includes everything from an effective flirtation in a movie line to give and take during an actual date. It includes everything from flirting to pick up lines.
Business also affords a variety of circumstances in which one's ability to make conversation might make all the difference. There are any number of wealthy people whose big break came when they charmed the right person during a random elevator ride. There are also those obvious occasions, such as a job interview, or entertaining a potential client.
Most of us remember social occasions which seemed lightly festive at first, but were rife with conflict and intrigue just under the surface. Something as innocent as an art opening can be quite nearly a battlefield if one is an ambitious young painter. However, in such a setting it is wise not to parade one's ambition, but to affect a casual attitude.
The jokes have to be funny, but not scandalous, and by all means, not familiar. It is important to be interested in a wide range of topics, but not fanatical or passionate about any of them. A good rule of thumb is to hold within oneself a desire to make each person one encounters pleased to have done so.
It is rude not to talk to everybody, or at least a broad range of people. One must not fall into the habit saving one's newly found wit for those who will be useful. This way one gets not only invited to the right parties, but invited back.
There is a distinct minority of people among us who simply seem to have a gift for making a dinner party shine with their conversation. Often enough, these turn out to be those raised in upper middle class or just plain upper class families, among whom effective light talk is a matter of training. Most will admit that one of the advantages inherent in an Ivy League background is not about academic excellence at all, but rather, in being trained to talk about nothing in an engaging way.
Many people have the intelligence and ability to succeed, but are held back in subtle ways because of their blue collar manners. Such people are nearly a stock character in old novels. They are the just-arrived wealthy who are disliked by the old money types who party at the Hamptons, but who are just too powerful to avoid completely. Characters like this are immediately marked by their unsophisticated conversation.
It isn't difficult to imagine, or for that matter simply recall, situations in which it is to one's advantage to be able to make light conversation. An obvious example is dating, which includes everything from an effective flirtation in a movie line to give and take during an actual date. It includes everything from flirting to pick up lines.
Business also affords a variety of circumstances in which one's ability to make conversation might make all the difference. There are any number of wealthy people whose big break came when they charmed the right person during a random elevator ride. There are also those obvious occasions, such as a job interview, or entertaining a potential client.
Most of us remember social occasions which seemed lightly festive at first, but were rife with conflict and intrigue just under the surface. Something as innocent as an art opening can be quite nearly a battlefield if one is an ambitious young painter. However, in such a setting it is wise not to parade one's ambition, but to affect a casual attitude.
The jokes have to be funny, but not scandalous, and by all means, not familiar. It is important to be interested in a wide range of topics, but not fanatical or passionate about any of them. A good rule of thumb is to hold within oneself a desire to make each person one encounters pleased to have done so.
It is rude not to talk to everybody, or at least a broad range of people. One must not fall into the habit saving one's newly found wit for those who will be useful. This way one gets not only invited to the right parties, but invited back.
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