In the course of our lives, we all owe something to someone. There are always some positive influences that enhance our state of being. This may make us wholeheartedly thankful. It also may make us feel that we are carrying 'the burden of gratitude.'
People don't show us their inner reality. They may not even know it themselves. Because we only see the public persona of others, we shouldn't be quick to suspect their motives. However, if we think they have an agenda other than giving us happiness, we have a right to feel resentful.
We can also feel two or more emotions at once. These are well termed 'mixed feelings'. We can be really thankful while also feeling imposed upon or even violated. In that case, we may wish the whole experience had never happened.
Maybe a parent has done something especially generous. Perhaps a coworker has praised us to a manager or selected us for a task force. This is fine if the gesture is sincere, freely given, and final. If something is demanded in return, now or later, then we may decide the price is too big to pay or that the 'gift' is a booby trap.
If a parent - who has a natural obligation to provide certain things - demands more than a natural response, the child may suffer. "I work my fingers to the bone for you", a mother may moan. "You should be glad to spend every week-end at home helping out. Your friends don't care for you like I do!" In this case, the child is asked to sacrifice free time to pay a debt they shouldn't owe. They probably don't ask for servile devotion and would gladly settle for less in exchange for freedom.
Trying to keep things on an even keel at home or work may make you feel you have to grin and bear it. It's not surprising that you might be resentful, even if you can't show it. If you can understand where the other person is coming from, you will have a better chance at making the best response.
In cases like this, we may not even feel grateful. However, the real question is how to deal with a situation. We can control our own reactions if we are mature, free, and able to reason things out. The debt may spur us to actions that benefit the other party. As long as we can do this honestly, this is a good thing. Many people take such an obligation as an incentive to visit more often, remember to give credit where credit is due, to pray for others, or to 'pay it forward'.
If, after consideration, we really decide the burden is too heavy, we have to change the equation. This may mean moving out of a parent's home or sphere of influence. It may require a transfer at work or letting a person with unmet expectations know that we won't play along. Ignoring the whole thing and hoping it goes away might work or it might just let things escalate.
People don't show us their inner reality. They may not even know it themselves. Because we only see the public persona of others, we shouldn't be quick to suspect their motives. However, if we think they have an agenda other than giving us happiness, we have a right to feel resentful.
We can also feel two or more emotions at once. These are well termed 'mixed feelings'. We can be really thankful while also feeling imposed upon or even violated. In that case, we may wish the whole experience had never happened.
Maybe a parent has done something especially generous. Perhaps a coworker has praised us to a manager or selected us for a task force. This is fine if the gesture is sincere, freely given, and final. If something is demanded in return, now or later, then we may decide the price is too big to pay or that the 'gift' is a booby trap.
If a parent - who has a natural obligation to provide certain things - demands more than a natural response, the child may suffer. "I work my fingers to the bone for you", a mother may moan. "You should be glad to spend every week-end at home helping out. Your friends don't care for you like I do!" In this case, the child is asked to sacrifice free time to pay a debt they shouldn't owe. They probably don't ask for servile devotion and would gladly settle for less in exchange for freedom.
Trying to keep things on an even keel at home or work may make you feel you have to grin and bear it. It's not surprising that you might be resentful, even if you can't show it. If you can understand where the other person is coming from, you will have a better chance at making the best response.
In cases like this, we may not even feel grateful. However, the real question is how to deal with a situation. We can control our own reactions if we are mature, free, and able to reason things out. The debt may spur us to actions that benefit the other party. As long as we can do this honestly, this is a good thing. Many people take such an obligation as an incentive to visit more often, remember to give credit where credit is due, to pray for others, or to 'pay it forward'.
If, after consideration, we really decide the burden is too heavy, we have to change the equation. This may mean moving out of a parent's home or sphere of influence. It may require a transfer at work or letting a person with unmet expectations know that we won't play along. Ignoring the whole thing and hoping it goes away might work or it might just let things escalate.
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